Why people who feel frozen around sxx, or have pousay pain / numbness should have a regular practice of self attuned touch
If you feel pain or numbness in your pousay, chances are your body has gone into protection mode.
Protection mode by numbing out, to keep pain suppressed.
Or by making your pousay a no go area to keep you from experiencing even more pain than you already are.
Your body is talking to you.It’s saying no more please. I’m done.
I have a little something for you to try if you’re navigating numb or painful pousay. And here’s why I recommend this
Burning pousay is pousay that is saying enough is enough.
How many times has ‘no’ or ‘I’m not ready’ become ‘okay, lets do it so that:
• You can just get it over with
• So that you don’t hurt his or their feelings?
• So that you can keep pretending that nothing is wrong
• So you don’t have to actually face up to the fact that you’re not enjoying sex with your partner
The thing is, your no is now shouting at you and is no longer willing to be ignored. Your body is asking for something to change. This is where self attuned touch comes in.
Your pousay needs to know what good, or attuned touch feels like. Attuned touch carries presence. It meets your body with reverence and care.
It’s not touch that rushes, lacks presence or transparency. It’s not touch that extracts. All of these kinds of touch are felt by your body at the deepest levels.
Whereas touch that invites, openness, care and consent can begin to repair years of over riding your body.
Now I’m still in the experimentation phase with this, BUT what I can tell you is that my body is responding with a huge sigh. We’re talking ‘Where have you been all my life’ type sighing. Who knew your body could & meet fall in love with itself?
To try the self attuned touch practice for yourself
I tend to do this practice first thing in the morning before I get out of bed. It’s a great way to connect with yourself, but you can do this anytime you like.
It can work quite well if you feel like pousay needs some tending or a little non sexual presence.
Take your hand, and simply cup pousay over the pubic mound, allowing the middle three fingers to rest over the vaginal entrance. Take some breaths and breathe into your pousay, allowing pousay meet your hand. Your don’t need to move the hand or the fingers ( unless you want to)
It’s more about bringing pousay into presence, and starting to include this area of your body into the whole of you. For numb, painful or sexually frozen sexual pousays, beginning to include your gentials can be a revelation.
No expectation, no extraction.
Just presence and breath, with the knowing that the hand bringing the presence is yours, so you can trust it to go at your pace and not rush into anywhere it’s not (yet) wanted! …Hence why it’s called ‘Attuned’ Self Touch
Here are some examples.
As a quick 2-5 minute self connection to fit into your morning routine. (Clothing optional) Cup pousay and breathe (into pousay if available) or breathe into your lower belly if that’s more accessible.
As a warm up to a longer self pleasure practice. Take time to bring pousay into resonance with the rest of your body. You might take 5- 10 minutes here just to be with and notice what changes happen with time and presence.
The great thing about Self attuned touch is that you only need one person (thats you btw) to repair your relationship to your body. You don’t need to explain this to anyone or include anyone else.
The more instances of felt sexual relational repair your body has, the more you build a foundation of trust with your body. The stronger foundation of trust, the more potent your sexual freeze melting efforts will be.
My self attuned touch practice has already helped me to
• Sooth pain & bring presence to the pousay
• Desire more sexual and non sexual connection with my partner
• Be able to include my sex in my everyday life rather then feel dissociated from, or avoid that area of my all together.
Feel free to leave a comment to let me know how self attuned touch is working for you. I’d love to hear how this practice is helping you in your sxxual healing journey.